Should children support their ...

First of two parts

WHAT is the obligation of a son or daughter to his or her parents once he or she has grown up? Are children obligated to give financial assistance to their parents, and can the parents demand that they do? Moreover, what is the moral authority and power of the parents over a fully grown single person in terms of his or her choice of partner and handling of his or her finances?

These questions seem to be as old as one could remember for typical Filipino families, but has once again caught national attention because of Filipino sports hero and Olympic gold medalist Carlos Yulo. This started when Angelica Yulo, Carlos' mother, openly admitted during an interview the ongoing rift between her and her son because of allegations of her mishandling his finances. She also stressed that her son's relationship with his girlfriend had caused, and continues to fuel, the rift between them. Because of this, Yulo broke his silence on social media and alleged that his mother had not disclosed to him all the withdrawals she had made from his bank accounts that she had been handling on his behalf. He also defended his girlfriend by saying that she was financially stable and capable on her own, and that she and her family were nothing but good to him and supportive all throughout his journey.

It is sad to think that the news of this personal issue turned public has overshadowed the wonderful accomplishment of Yulo during the Olympics as one who may now be regarded as the greatest Filipino Olympian after winning those two gold medals in gymnastics. Netizens wasted no time in giving their own takes and swipes on the matter. Many say the mother should allow her son to be on his own and not try to live off him. Others say Yulo should not abandon his mother and family for his girlfriend, who is not yet a real family to him.

Nonetheless, this story of our Boy Wonder Yulo is nothing new for many Filipinos, as this is typical for many lower-income families with a son or a daughter who is beginning to make it in life financially. For Yulo, he actually made it big-time due to awards and sponsorships.

Filipino tradition dictates that children need to support and take care of their parents and the elderly. This is considered one of the foundational tenets of the family-centric value system of Filipinos. However, this normally comes at the expense of individual dreams or aspirations of a growing individual who is now tasked to carry the load of responsibility for his immediate family that has nurtured him to adulthood. The strain especially increases when the single man or woman starts to venture on the possibility of settling down and having his or her own family.

The balancing act now begins for the adult who needs to continuously look back and ensure the welfare of his parents and immediate family yet at the same time start building his own future and family with another person. This shifting of priorities and transitioning to independence and building of one's own family life could be filled with many emotional and relational reactions, especially from the parents who are now finally enjoying the fruits of their labor and investments they made on their child. These changes in the relationship between the adult son or daughter and his or her parents are normally leveled against the partner, wife or husband who is now the new (equal or bigger) influence on the son or daughter.

Since money and wealth is finite, the allocation and apportionment of it will be greater or lesser, depending on the priority of the son or daughter. If the priority is the parents and siblings, then more will be given to them, but if the priority is the new life being built with the partner or spouse, then more will be given to them. Either way, someone has to give, and someone has to take. This almost certainly causes emotional reactions from the losing part, the parents or the partner who either way takes it out on the son, daughter, partner, or spouse.

As I thought about this ongoing dilemma of an average family, I had to once again reexamine what the Word of God, the Bible, has to say about parents and children, especially on support, financial obligation and decision-making as adults.

For better understanding, let us look at it in the stages of childhood, adulthood and as a married individual. Let me share some of the principles that are clearly said.

First, is that whether young or old, child or adult, single or married, children are to honor their parents as a command of God that carries a promise. This was made clear as the fifth of the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20:12: "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Likewise, Ephesians 6:2-3 in the New Testament reiterated this by saying: "Honor your father and mother"— which is the first commandment with a promise — "so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." The command to honor is for children, young or old.

Some might say that it is hard to honor someone who is not respectable, especially if a father is unfatherly or a mother is unmotherly. However, honor is different from respect. To respect is more internal in the heart of a person, yet to honor is more external. This is not to say that we only offer external service to our parents without internally loving them. This means that we should always show and give external services and courtesy to them as God's natural and principal authority in our lives as children. We show them kindness, care and devoted service, regardless of how we feel because God has commanded it to all.

To be concluded on Aug. 15, 2024